Paper Pie

Cookies With Friends

Oh dear, you must forgive me for my absence here. On Monday, I came down with the most awful flu-like symptoms and spent the entire day in bed reading stories to Rylie. Yesterday I felt tons better but may have pushed myself too hard because we had a pretty busy day with hearts and flowers and chocolate and all. So here I am today, chomping at the bit to tell you about a little Valentine cookie decorating party we had last week. Fauna brought over a whole bag of heart shaped sugar cookies and we whipped up some icing and got busy. Not before all three of us donned an apron of course. Once in aprons, Rylie showed Fauna all of her dance moves and Fauna delighted by mimicking each one.

After the dance party we got straight to the cookie party.


They would drizzle a bit of frosting on a cookie, then yell: prinkles! prinkles! reaching for the can of sprinkles and shake a few on top, and then down the hatch they went. After a  while Fauna gave up on the cookies all together and went straight for the good stuff. Sharp girl, this one.


Yes, it seems that the eating of cookies outranks the decorating of cookies when you are a toddler (and an adult, too!) Being 18 months and 2 and half they are very busy these days. When they are together it is a nonstop adventure of eating, pottying, diapering, playing, drawing, rearranging, loud voices, giggles, tears, all of that. They are just beginning to really socialize and work together on projects and activities. It is quite fun to watch when they are deeply concentrating on the task at hand without a care in the world. The littlest ones know no other way than to be completely and truly absorbed in the moment. I follow them around and try to learn all I can from the purity and authenticity that they bring to everything they do.

Though our cookie party did not last long that day, we were able to save three cookies to give to daddy when he got home from work that night. When I gave Rylie the plate to bring to him she couldn't help but snatch one more for herself. This girl knows what she likes, if it were up to her we would have a cookie party everyday.

Grateful

Today, we are grateful for . . .

* fun things at the park like this huge abacus.

* friends to swap meals with.

* the very first birds to visit our new feeders.

*the look of pure bliss on a certain little one's face when she discovers those birdies.

* the kitty who loves to watch those birdies, too (albeit for slightly less innocent reasons.)

*the Learning Tower that we scored a sweet deal on second hand.

*the delicious fruits and veggies that our CSA program regularly drops on our doorstep.

* the loud machines that the gardeners use in the yard that keep my babe in rapt attention.

* being moments away from holding my very first FINISHED sweater in my hands.

* birthday parties . . .

* . . . especially when they are in honor of our cousin and niece.

*our cousin's toys.

* a daddy that doesn't flinch at getting in the bouncy house right alongside the little ones.

What is making your heart sing lately?

18 Months

This past weekend Rylie turned over the 18 month mark. As any mama would tell you, that time has flown faster than seems possible. I couldn't believe my eyes as I watched my bald baby bird chasing her 4-year-old cousin through the museum yesterday. I went through all of our photos this morning, which is always a very sentimental exercise for me, and picked out some from her first 18 months.

It seems that I am the type that takes oh so many photos (sometimes it is downright ridiculous) and most of the buzz happens in the moments and days after we have just captured the shots. We take a photo and then we have to look at it on the screen to see if the light and framing are to our liking. We get them home and download the card to the computer and look through them again, we ooh and aah and talk about our plans of printing them at large format, framing them and hanging them on the wall. And we never do. Days and weeks pass and we forget about those photos because on the River of Us Three - we have definitely hit the rapids - we are in kayaks not intertubes. We don't forget them out of apathy, but more because those wonderful moments are replaced with more wonderful moments that we want to hang on the wall. One of these days we are going to get down to decision making (someday very soon.)

But what these photos do is remind me of the impermanence of all things, the fleeting nature of babyhood, childhood, time. They help me to reframe the snaphot of my life and remember that Rylie will not be this little forever, that our time right now will someday be photographs and memories, and there truly is a time for everything. They help me remember what it was like here, now, in this apartment, on this street, in this city in California. They remind me to be present every moment, or as much as I possibly can, and to guard my gratitude because we are so, so blessed.

As Rylie is officially now closer to two years than one, it makes me marvel at the passage of time and the wonderful miracle of life. How with a little help from mom and dad, her body knows just what to do to grow and thrive. Becoming a parent has helped me to re-evaluate what is important and that life is truly a gift not to be squandered or taken for granted. Little Rylie pants is running, cutting molars, expanding her vocabulary, sprouting hair, demonstrating her will and last week used her potty for the very first time. When she wakes in the morning and from her naps, she no longer cries, she just yells an emphatic "Mom!" She is growing, changing, and I am here, present, enjoying the now and holding back tears as I sift through the photographed moments we have already sailed right through.

Happy Birthday, Mama

This is my mom and I in February of 1977 (see in the bottom right? I love old photos with the date sitting quietly in the corner like that.) I am about six weeks old. She is only 19 years old. She looks tired. I look ready to wail. She is undoubtedly in the thick of meeting needs and discovering limitations. Today is her birthday and what an appropriate time to celebrate her on the heels of yesterday's post. Now, that I am 35, I feel like I am just beginning to appreciate and understand all that she has given to me.

We live very far apart now - like 2,193 miles apart - but she once cared for me in the way I care for Rylie, diaper change after diaper change, meal after meal and sleepless night after sleepless night. The work and challenges of motherhood are universal, and timeless. Our shared, common experiences play over and over. In all the ways that our stories are similar, they are also very different. My young mama didn't have the internet or a group of moms to consult about sleep patterns and teething pain. She didn't have a vast library of books explaining different parenting styles, breastfeeding, or education philosophies. She used her intuition and tradition. And, really, she had all that she needed.

It is no doubt that having a child of your own opens your eyes wide to what it must have been like for your own parents. I have gained a perspective on them that I could not have gotten any other way. I think about my mom when I am carrying out all of the practical aspects of running a household and being a mom, but most of all, I think of my mom when I am gazing into Rylie's eyes and contemplating how precious it is to be alive. And I think, my mom must have felt this tender and amazing love for me too. Over the years she has shown and professed her love to me countless times, but until I became a mom, I had no idea of the depth of that love. It is instinctual, primordial, in the bones.

My mom, with my sister and I c. 1981. I'm still wailing!

This is my mom last November with her two youngest grandchildren, born on the very same day. There is a sparkle and happiness in her eyes here and I can see her pride. It makes me wonder about having more children, and maybe someday, grandchildren of my own. If I feel this much love for my own daughter right now - how does that love grow? How does it expand and multiply when your children have children? How can it get bigger? How can it all fit into one heart?

Love you, Mama! I hope you are having a beautiful day.

This Moment

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. Amanda Soule 

He Makes Things

My husband, Ryan, is undeniably creative. He writes for a living. I knew all about his quick wit and brilliant mind long ago when I first fell for him. What I did not know about him, and what he surprised me with this Christmas, is that his creativity is not limited to the written word. He makes things! With his hands and from his heart.

He mentioned to me early on in the seasonal hubbub that there was a challenge on zenhabits to not buy any new gifts for the holidays. It struck a chord in him and he decided to make the commitment. All of his gifts to Rylie and I were either handmade by him, vintage or upcycled pieces made by independent craftspeople and artists.

I knew that he was working on this ukulele for Rylie. He had been gifted the kit last year for Christmas from a friend. Isn't it adorable? He even painted her name on it. See it on the headstock? While he had me believe that the uke was a real bear of a project (he'd come in cursing up a storm every night) he was actually done with it much earlier than I knew. Instead, after the uke was finished, he was building me these amazing bird feeders. One for seed and one for water. He used this tutorial.

He found the plates on the tops at a local thrift store and I think they are perfect in this application. They are so pretty and rustic. I love them so. We hung them in a perfect spot just outside the kitchen window. As if these two bird feeders were not enough, he made me this chalkboard, too.

You can see a little corner of my desk poking in on the bottom left. It matchers perfectly! The wonderful story here, is that the same day we bought this door, we bought a few windows as well. I made the door into the dining room table long ago, but the windows have been in the garage for years now. We even contemplated selling them during our yard sale we had last spring, but Ryan was inspired to reuse them, so back into storage they went. I am so glad that we decided that they were keepers, because the chalkboard is beautiful. I'm going to use it to write down tasks that need attention because getting organized is what the new year is all about. I love, LOVE it!

To see a man who usually sticks to the cerebral side, roll up his sleeves and get to work with his hands is downright inspiring. Every night he'd come home from the office, we'd eat dinner, shuffle through the Rylie bed routine, and philosophize over the dirty dishes. Then - after all of that - he would head to the fridge, grab a beer and tell me that he was going out to the garage to "Man Off." Somewhere around 1 a.m. he would climb into bed. He was burning the candle at both ends for several weeks, just for us, and for something he believes to be important. Rylie and I are feeling quite blessed right about now.

In The Mountains

I am convinced that something marvelous happens when you head for the mountains. Energy shifts, the universe aligns, and it's as if the climb in altitude directly affects the odds of magic showing up. When I was all of 19, I took a road trip from Michigan to California with some friends. In Denver, we climbed into the Rockies and we were sitting along a stream in the middle of the night when a very kind man came along and played a flute for us by moonlight. He never said a word, just stopped, played and moved on - mysterious as it was wonderful. Another time, at our wedding in the mounrains above Malibu, I know it was nothing short of the dreamy location that got my dad onto the dance floor. My dad! Before that day, I had never seen him on a dance floor in my entire life.

My conviction of mountains equaling magic was made all the more strong this past weekend when we headed up to Pine Mountain Club in the Los Padres National Forest to ring in the New Year with another very special family. As we were making our way up the hill, I knew that the weekend was going to be lovely. Mandy, Griff & Fauna have so quickly endeared themselves to us. We are so similar it is shocking sometimes. We joked about this as we both showed up to our cabin rental with almost the exact same groceries. But we are different too, in complimentary ways. Like I am kind of a quiet introvert, and Mandy is one of the most extroverted people I have ever met. Best of all though, we are young families at the same place in life - likeminded and on the same wavelength. And our girls. Or girls seem like sisters. They are both calm, and even tempered, just nine months apart.

When we were not hiking, eating, or hot tubbing, we were dreaming together, brainstorming, talking and tossing around ideas. It was refreshing to bond deeper with such genuine and inspiring folk. We got to know them better, to dig deeper. I was touched when Mandy showed up with a birthday cake for me and though we went up for snow, it was so warm, we were able to have our New Year's breakfast al fresco. After three full days in cozy quarters, I left with nothing but joy and gratitude in my heart. There is magic in those mountains, I tell you. They bring people together and encourage kinship. I could not think of a nicer way to ring in a new year and it has inspired me to set an intention of meaningful connection for the coming year.
We love you guys.

Happy New Year

Looking back at 2011 in photos, helps me to literally see that we were blessed with an abundant year. I am grateful that this little blog reminds me of all of the small and beautiful moments that I may have long forgotten if they were not recorded here. It allows me to touch in on my life, and to give pause and appreciation for what is most meaningful - the little things.

I'm not much on resolutions. I used to be. Oh boy, did I ever used to be. I think there was a long period in my life when I was really impatient, that I wanted things a certain way and I wanted them immediately. But life is not like that. I used to think that if I could really buckle down and discipline myself hard enough, then I could do or change anything that I didn't like about myself. And my resolutions were not limited to behaviors or habits either. I believed that if I willed it just the right way, I could make my fine hair thick and lustrous, and my straight legs curvy. After this method failed me way too many times to mention, I have come to realize that real change has to be more natural, more relaxed and gentle. Real change can not come from anywhere but my own heart. I have to truly want to change something. The militant dictator inside me can not demand change. It has to grow, and if I am not ready, no amount of hard work in the world will get me there any quicker.

The top photo was taken when Rylie first met her cousin Kenzi way back in January. The differences in the littlest ones during the course of a year are nothing short of amazing. For Rylie, a year is 80% of her entire life, but for me, it is only 1/35th. Getting older and adding up the years offers perspective. I've come to realize that putting one foot in front of the other, little by little, can move me into new places. And the barrier - time - actually becomes the facilitator. If one thing is certain, it is that it all keeps moving and changing - always. That is the nature of impermanence.

I was in the drugstore tonight picking up contact solution, and I was watching Rylie as she was toddling around under the fluorescent lights. She loves it in there because of the endless bottles and boxes right at her eye level to look at and rearrange. She picked up a couple of toy cars and was carrying them around setting them on different shelves and then she looked up at me with the most open, innocent expression. I had the sudden notion that she was growing in front of my eyes. Right there, I expereinced true evidence of the passage of time. In that moment, I got a glimpse of an older Rylie.

35

Today is my 35th birthday. I am officially in my mid-thirties. It doesn't feel much different than 34, really. I woke up to a terrific celebration of coffee, a banner and presents! My lovies got me a beautiful dress and shoes to wear out for my birthday date of winetasting and dinner. Kalli so graciously offered to babysit and everything was lined up nicely. However, poor Rylie woke up sick with a runny nose and watery eyes this morning. We have given her a lot of vitamin C today in hopes that she would feel better, but alas, she is not doing well, poor thing. She is napping right now, and we are hoping she will take a long one and get lots of rest. We cancelled our plans, or I should say, we postponed them, because I have to wear this dress and shoes out on the town soon (not just in my living room.)

There are a few advantages to having a birthday between Christmas and the new year:

* The world is jovial
* The world is on break (I have never spent a birthday in a classroom or at work)
* It makes for a very festive last week of the year
* It is perfectly timed for reflection and plans for a fresh year

It seems that the years between turning 30 and 35 have been moving at lightning speed, which certainly makes sense given all that has happened. I've gotten married, transitioned into working at home, and I've become a mother. I haven't got much of an issue with age. Each year brings with it more experience and wisdom that helps me to realize and refine my true self. I remind myself daily (if not hourly) to live an authentic life because that is what I would like to model for Rylie. I want her to understand how much the world expands when we exercise our courage and freedom to live as individuals. The passage of time reminds me more than ever to stop and look around, to soak it in and to be fully present. Life is not going to start once we buy a house or move to a new city. Life does not start when we have a certain amount of money in our savings account or an investment portfolio. It is right now. This is life. We are making memories. I want each moment to count and I want to experience it as it is happening. Every little diaper change, sick day and last minute change of birthday plans, there is joy to be found in even these things.

Now that I am officially in my mid-thirties and every day narrowing the gap to 40, I more than ever want it all to count. I want to do my best and live fully and deeply. That is my wish for the coming year and the rest of all of my years. Live this life - now. I keep this quote close and it seems especially poignant today:

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.
Live the life you've imagined. - Henry David Thoreau

Photo by Kalli

These Days

These days between Christmas and New Year's feel both eventful and restful. I find myself pausing and planning, reflecting while looking forward. I hope you are relishng in this week that is decidedly different than any other on the calendar. Here is what we are enjoying during these short and fleeting days:

*All of the wonderful food, treats and luxuries that are so prevalent this time of year.

*Awe-inspiring upcycled, repurposed and handmade gifts made by wonderfully talented friends and artisans.

* Our sunny backyard, as the temperatures have been topping out at 80 degrees each of these days.

* Art supplies galore, including bathtub crayons (!)

* The full splendor of our twinkly and festive holiday decor. All too soon, it will be tucked away for another year.

*An interview with me over at Fat Quarter Shop. I am so humbled and flattered to be part of such an inspiring community.

What are you up to thihs week?